Thursday, October 25, 2012

True Pain


I have understood recently what growing up is all about. It is very simple. The ability to feel pain and still function. That is what it is all about. Nothing simpler, right? well, maybe not. Life, in all of its complications offers no choice when it comes to pain. You have to feel it, take it in, and hope it doesn't end you. It is the ultimate trainer. If you have pain for a teacher, you are the hardest SOB on the planet. And the funny thing is, you can see it coming, you can live in it, you can die in it - but you cant solve it. There are no band aids, no pain medications that can take it away. Well, I guess you could argue there is a way out. But its the coward's way. You see, Bravery is not about facing a lion or saving someone from drowning. Bravery is overcoming yourself. What if the lion mauls you? What if you die while you try to save someone? Bravery is what keeps you alive and gets you back to who you are.

Having said that, you know what the ultimate pain is? It is not being hit by a car or burned by fire. The ultimate pain is watching someone you dearly love feel pain, and you are totally helpless. It is the kinda pain that squeezes your heart and doesnt let go. It is the kind that will take everything out of you emotionally. So, you try to find a higher meaning and a work of a higher power in all of this. But ultimately, all that may be just BS. Maybe life is just about expectations and disappointments. You see, just because your expectation worked out positively doesnt make you happy longer term. You will find something to be unhappy about. So, finally, you are better off embracing pain, and make him your friend. It is here to stay, afterall. 

So, it looks like it is time to replace your invisible friends and fantasies with something more permanent, however dire that sounds. And maybe pray for it to be merciful and only give you the physical kind, not the mental kind. I guess everyone has their own choice. So, then it is time to stop fooling around, stop diverting yourself from the obvious, stop fantasizing away your sadness. It is time to dive in, and have it engulf you. Let it burn inside and out, and hope you have the strength and courage to survive. I now find the irony of my blog name. Maybe there is no middle path in life. Maybe life, by definition is about swinging between the extremes. You just imagine that the swing itself is the path. It is not. They are just temporary moments of sanity.


1 comment:

Gautham said...

Anu Etta..Start writing again. Don't let the musings fade away... And no being busy shouldn't be an excuse.

That's what i feel and yes...
I know what i feel ;)